Listening is a fundamental communication skill and is an active process that includes participation in a conversation rather than acting as an audience. Active listeners show that they are listening, encouraging, and supporting the speaker. This also conveys that what another says is important and that the speaker is important to us, which is a crucial role in various aspects of life and relationships.
Key benefits of listening include:
- It improves communication with others thereby improving our relationships
- It strengths relationships by allowing others to feel heard and understood, deepens trust and connection to people in our lives
- It enhances problem solving by hearing another’s perspective and validates their feelings and thoughts
- It increases empathy and compassion
- It educates us! When we talk we talk about what we already know but when he listen we learn something new
- It reduces stress and conflict when we allow others to express themselves fully
- It enhances personal well-being by allowing us to have connections to others and fosters a sense of belonging
- It improves our professional successes by enhancing teamwork, collaboration, and productivity
- It cultivates respect and an inclusive society since all voices are diverse
To listen we have to be fully present, attentive, and open-minded. Below are tips on better listening skills:
- Put away distractions and give your attention to the speaker. Show genuine interest, make good eye contact, and focus on the other person.
- Don’t give unsolicited advice. If you are uncertain of the need of the speaker, ask if they want you to (1) just listen, (2) help them process or resolve something, or (3) want you to fix something for them. If they want you to just listen, you don’t want to give suggestions or opinions.
- Communicate that you understand what the speaker is saying by nodding, or with curiosity, asking them to tell you more or clarify something you are uncertain of.
- Don’t interrupt. Interrupting sends the message that what we are about to say is far more important than whatever the speaker is saying and negates and invalidates the speaker.
- Take their side with support, no matter what. Even if you do not agree, listen to their perspective and offer compassion: “I haven’t been in that situation before but can imagine it must have been difficult”. Offer empathy: “I’ve been there before and know that this is frustrating.”
- Don’t turn the conversation on yourself. If someone is wanting you to listen this is not the time to talk about how hard of a day you had too or how hurt you are too.
- Validate emotions and let the speaker know that what they are saying is important.
- Watch your body language. This includes facing away from the speaker, eye rolling, scrolling on your phone, or facial expressions showing your own feelings.
There are times that conversations are difficult and even confrontational. When someone is expressing themselves it is not about you! Our triggers and our feelings are ours to be accountable for and resolve. If you find yourself uncomfortable and triggered while someone else is speaking, ask yourself:
- Am I in my own symptoms of wanting to fight or leave and if so how can I be accountable for myself and not invalidate the speaker?
- Am I feeling criticized or rejected and where is this coming from in my past?
- Am I hearing fault-finding, finger pointing, and blame and is this the intention of the speaker?
These types of triggers might indicate that communication during your childhood (and since) has left you feeling like your inner world does not matter and it is not safe to be authentic with others. It might indicate that you have learned codependent or fawning/people pleasing behaviors or you have failed to set appropriate boundaries in your relationships. It could mean that you are in a victim mentality based on how you were treated and what you experienced in the past. No one can make us feel anything, but our own feelings might be triggered by someone else.
Listening is a fundamental communication skill and is an active process that includes participation in a conversation rather than acting as an audience. Active listeners show that they are listening, encouraging, and supporting the speaker. This also conveys that what another says is important and that the speaker is important to us, which is a crucial role in various aspects of life and relationships.
Key benefits of listening include:
- It improves communication with others thereby improving our relationships
- It strengths relationships by allowing others to feel heard and understood, deepens trust and connection to people in our lives
- It enhances problem solving by hearing another’s perspective and validates their feelings and thoughts
- It increases empathy and compassion
- It educates us! When we talk we talk about what we already know but when he listen we learn something new
- It reduces stress and conflict when we allow others to express themselves fully
- It enhances personal well-being by allowing us to have connections to others and fosters a sense of belonging
- It improves our professional successes by enhancing teamwork, collaboration, and productivity
- It cultivates respect and an inclusive society since all voices are diverse
To listen we have to be fully present, attentive, and open-minded. Below are tips on better listening skills:
- Put away distractions and give your attention to the speaker. Show genuine interest, make good eye contact, and focus on the other person.
- Don’t give unsolicited advice. If you are uncertain of the need of the speaker ask if they want you to (1) just listen, (2) help them process or resolve something, or (3) want you to fix something for them. If they want you to just listen, they are not wanting your suggestions or advice.
- Communicate that you understand what the speaker is saying by nodding or with curiosity asking them to tell you more or clarify something you are uncertain of.
- Don’t’ interrupt. Interrupting sends the message that what we are about to say is far more important than whatever they are saying and negates and invalidates the speaker.
- Take their side with support. Even if you do not agree, listen to their perspective and offer compassion; “I haven’t been in that situation before but can imagine it must have been difficult”. Offer empathy; “I’ve been there before and know that this is frustrating.”
- Don’t turn the conversation on yourself. If someone is wanting you to listen this is not the time to talk about how hard of a day you had too or how hurt you are too.
- Validate emotions and let the speaker know that what they are saying is important.
- Watch your body language. This includes facing away from the speaker, eye rolling, or facial expressions showing your own feelings.
There are times that conversations are difficult and even confrontational. When someone is expressing themselves it is not about you! Our triggers and our feelings are ours to be accountable for and resolve. If you find yourself uncomfortable and triggered while someone else is speaking, ask yourself:
- Am I in my own symptoms of wanting to fight, flight/leave, freeze/deny and if so how can I be accountable for myself and not invalidate the speaker
- Am I feeling criticized or rejected
- Am I hearing fault-finding, finger pointing, and blame
These indicate that communication during your childhood (and since) has left you feeling like your inner world does not matter and it is not safe to be authentic with others. It might indicate that you have learned codependent or fawning/people pleasing behaviors or you have failed to set appropriate boundaries in your relationships. No one can make us feel anything, but our own feelings might be triggered by someone else.
Listening to others is a profound act of respect and empathy that transcends the boundaries of communication. In the tapestry of human connection, the art of listening weaves threads of understanding, fostering a sense of belonging and mutual respect. When we actively engage in listening, we not only absorb the words spoken but also the emotions, experiences, and perspectives of those around us. It opens the door to genuine connection, allowing us to bridge gaps in understanding and cultivate a deeper appreciation for the rich diversity of human narratives. Listening creates a space where individuals feel heard and valued, contributing to the foundation of trust and empathy essential for nurturing healthy relationships. It is through the attentive act of listening that we build bridges, dissolve misunderstandings, and, ultimately, foster a world where empathy and connection flourish.
For more information on communication and other topics:
Transforming Relationships: Healthy Communication for a Fulfilling Life | Better Life Inc
Connection in Relationships | Better Life Inc
Setting Boundaries | Better Life Inc
Twenty-One Days of Writing to Discovery Your Authentic Self | Better Life Inc
12 Weeks of Creating the Life You Want | Better Life Inc
Wishing you well on your journey on the non-negotiable path of self-care,